I usually don’t do well with therapists of any sort… I’ve been to a variety… but Dr. Kim Caroll who I am currently seeing is AWESOME! I feel like she actually GETS me… doesn’t just judge me and treat me like I know nothing about the disorder….uggh i cant STAND that!!! But anyway she suggested to keep up with my trich blogging… so I’m back!

Will be posting updates soon!

Though I’m tempted to try one of the various supplements that is specifically formulated to increase hair growth…. for the time being I’m just going to stick with basic vitamins and minerals that I can get at my local Walgreens. Hopefully there will be some multivitamins that incorporate a few of these. Recent bloodwork showed I had very low levels of vitamin B… so extra vitamins will be a good idea anyways [only recommended doses of course]

“If your hair loss is due to Female Pattern Baldness, (FPB) a genetic train, then Provillus is for you. If the women in your family have thinning hair, your hair loss is probably genetic. Provillus is designed to help with FPB. It contains the only ingredient approved by the FDA to help with hair re-growth in women. If your hair loss is caused by pregnancy, certain medications, cancer treatment, or the after-effects of illness, please consult with your doctor. In most cases this type of hair loss is temporary.”

Another site notes that: “Provillus blocks DHT (dihydrotestostrone), which is one of the major causes of hair loss. The formula of Provillus was designed to block DHT and supply the proper nutrients to your body specifically tailored to prevent hair loss and to help you regrow hair naturally. Provillus supplements your body’s natural supply of nutrients and lets the tiny follicles beneath your scalp receive exactly what they need to grow hair.”

So… I guess technically I should consult with a doctor before discounting it as a way to encourage hair growth… but it seems to me that it was specifically created to treat the hair loss associated with female pattern baldness. My hair loss was caused by me pulling it out… not some hormone. Thus, I don’t think a product that blocks said hormone is going to be the best choice.

If anyone out there with trich has used this and would be willing to share their experience… don’t hesitate to leave a comment!

A few of the people that will be there I am close to… but 2 of them are old roommates of mine…. and I moved out for a reason. It sounds childish but they bullied me… giving me hell for every little thing i did… when i’d out at night they’d make fun of my clothes… when i stayed it to do homework it was because i had no friends… when i asked them to turn the music down at 3am on a school night they wrote a song about me called ’stacy is a cunt’ complete with drum and electric guitar solos. now don’t get me wrong i have pretty thick skin…. but i dont deserve to have my weekend ruined by some immature boys who think they are oh so cool. and i know that is cowardly of me… but i’m just not strong enough yet… not confident enough with myself… to discuss it freely. i realize that is somewhat stupid considering i have a blog that the whole world has access to…. but idk…. i feel like people looking to poke fun at others dont just randomly google trichotillomania in hopes of finding someone to disrespect….

anyways i really want to go…. i think i’d be able to manage getting in the water without going under…. but my wig is long… and it wasn’t cheap… i don’t want to deduct from its lifespan by dragging the ends along in disgusting lake water and itching at it as i sweat profusely for 2 days in the 100+ arizona heat. i’m going to look around the next few days and see if i can find something in the same color that isn’t as high quality that i can wear for occassions such as this. hopefully my search will be successful. Devious Wigs N Things is a cool place that I’ve gotten wigs at before just for fun… they range from about 20-60 dollars and the quality is awesome…  but I’ve never looked there for anything long and in the color I want… the ones I have are super short and crazy colors link hot pink and black with bright red streaks. so i think i’ll go back there and check out what they have along the lines of… regular looking.

i feel like such a pussy though… ugh….. one day i’ll be able to talk about it openly. i will. im just not quite there yet. but i don’t want trich to stop me from doing the things i want to do… so hopefully i’ll be able to make this work….

First of all let me apologize to my mother for getting another tattoo… I know she detests them… however hopefully for some reason she will overlook her personal taste and respect my decision to get this one. It is on my wrist and says ‘overcome‘.

This image is literally exactly what I will see every time my hand goes up to pull. Staring me straight in the face…. overcome. Put your damn hand down and overcome this. I argue with myself in my head during my pulling spells but sometimes thats not enough to get me to really remember… hey… you CAN get through this… you’ve come so far already don’t give in…. overcome… overcome! [and mom to ease your concerns... it is easily hidden with a bracelet or bandaid]

so yah the day started with me and B going to the tattoo shop. after that and dinner we went back to his house to kill some time before going to a party later that night. he just moved into a new house… with a pool…. and diving board….. i used to be a diver…. diving boards are so tempting…. we had previously discussed my swimming over there and since his roommates are in europe for a few weeks i knew i’d be ’safe’…. and not have to embarass myself in front of anyone new that im not comfortable with. so we get back and go sit out by the pool…. and i want to go in so fucking bad. unfortunately the trade off for getting to dive into a sparkling blue pool of water on a 100+ degree day is that i have to take my wig off in front of him. it doesn’t sound like a big deal…. especially because he’s not my boyfriend or someone i am directly trying to impress with my looks……. but its so scary. SOOOO scary.

i sat with my feet dangling in for a good half hour…. then paced around and jumped on the board for another long while….. finally even changed into my suit. then i jumped on the board some more…. with my wig on. finally i went inside, took the wig off…. and hid under a towel like a hoodlum for another solid half hour. while sitting on the edge conveninetly across the pool from B he yelled over ’so stacy… what are you overcoming?’ ‘nothing apparently…..’ was my response.

i knew then he was right…. i wasn’t overcoming anything wrapped up in a little towel ball…. so i got up on the board and stood there. and stood there. the sun had set by this point. finally B was just like ‘damnit stacy you have short hair so what get over it and take the towel off already!!!!’ i stomped my feet and threw the towel down…. dove in…. and that was that. i felt ugly…. but the feeling of the water rushing over my head was way worth it. i haven’t been able to go under water in SOOOOOOOOOO long…. too fearful my hairpiece would be too obvious.

unfortunately i lost all my old diving talent…. so not only was i ugly i also was flopping around like a damn moron…. but i was a happy moron!!!

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i’ll never let it get like this again…. i’ll never let it get like this again…. i’ll never let it get like this again……………